


The Cut That Always Bleeds

by cherrywne



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, ib The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Gray, idk what this is but i hope you enjoy it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrywne/pseuds/cherrywne
Summary: A story about a boy who loved too strongly.ib: The Cut That Always Bleeds by Conan Gray
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	The Cut That Always Bleeds

Uenoyama knew this was going to happen.

He knew, and yet, he didn’t care.

Snow fell around him. White flakes found their way onto his black hair and melted slowly. The creaking from the swing he sat on was masked by the loud music emitting from his earphones. For the first time in his life, he didn’t care what song was playing. He heard the music, but he didn’t listen. It was there to block out the noise coming from the unwanted surroundings he found himself in.

 _“Oh man,”_ he thought to himself. “ _This really sucks_.”

His eyes burned as he stared up into the grey clouds, unblinking. By the look on his face, you would’ve thought that the clouds had offended him. His neck ached and his head began to pound, but that didn’t stop him. Looking down meant he’d see Mafuyu. Seeing Mafuyu meant he’d have to deal with his problems.

“Uenoyama-kun.”

Uenoyama heard his boyfriend’s raised voice through the music. His heart clenched and cracked as he ignored his call. He dug the nail of his thumb into the side of his index finger and thought about the words that have brought them to this point.

“ _What are we doing?_ ”

What a stupid question to ask.

“ _Hm?_ ”

“ _Why… why do you like me?_ ”

Uenoyama could think of a hundred reasons why he fell in love with Mafuyu. He even wrote down a list in his school notebook.

He loved how Mafuyu fought persistently when he really wanted something. He loved how cute he was when he stared off into space with absolutely no thoughts in his head. He loved their mutual appreciation for music. He loved that Mafuyu captured the entire audience the second he opened his mouth. And he adored his voice. Whether it be spoken or sung, Uenoyama found himself clinging desperately onto every word that left his lover’s mouth.

To him, Mafuyu was magic. He was an angel. All the things that used to piss him off now made his heart flutter. He didn’t understand why or how, but he was utterly in love with him. He feared that his love had grown too big for his body to handle. He feared that his love had grown too strong for Mafuyu.

His fear consumed him when Mafuyu stared at him with confusion in his eyes.

“ _Why do I… like you?_ ”

Uenoyama wanted to ask more questions. He wanted to dive into his mind and hold on tightly to all the things Mafuyu thought about him. He wanted to know what went through his mind when they were together. He wanted to know what made him fall in love.

“ _Um… You play the guitar really well._ ”

Uenoyama recalled how he stared at him, hoping, _praying_ for more words to be said. But there was nothing. Silence dug its nails into Uenoyama’s brain. He didn’t know why he felt so upset, and that only upset him more. He had more questions. Questions he desperately craved the answers to.

_“How does being in a relationship with me benefit you?”_

_“What do you think when you see me?”_

_“Does your heart race when I touch your hand?”_

_“Do you stay up at night thinking about me?”_

_“Do you see me in your future?”_

Uenoyama added more questions onto his mental list.

“ _Would everything be better for you if I was him?”_

_“Were his hands better than mine?”_

_“Did you stay up at night thinking about him?”_

All questions Uenoyama would never dare to ask. No matter how loudly his anxious mind screamed and begged for the answers, he knew his weak heart wouldn’t be able to handle it. He didn’t know much about Mafuyu’s past. He didn’t know much about his old lover until Hiiragi described him.

“ _He was a fascinating person._ ”

Just by the few words used to describe him, Uenoyama knew. He knew that he was nothing compared to him. The thought of it annoyed him. His skin would crawl when he thought about it too much. He never felt like he was able to match what Mafuyu’s experienced before. It hurt, but it lingered in the front of his mind; laughing in his face every time he wept.

He was too afraid to talk to Mafuyu about it.

“ _What are we doing?”_

 _“Why do you like me?_ ”

These questions were Uenoyama’s way of easing into the difficult things he needed to get off of his chest. But ease never came. His mind was crueller than ever.

“Hey, Uenoyama-kun.” He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“ _I don’t need this._ ” Uenoyama thought. “ _He doesn’t need me. I’m just his backup plan._ ”

Uenoyama stared at the clouds. For the first time in an hour his head went nearly silent. His fear was replaced with anger. “ _I hope he leaves quickly. I won’t stop him._ ”

That is when Uenoyama told himself that he’d be better off alone. Love was too much work for his timid heart. He would be fine if he never loved again. He didn’t want to be used anymore. He didn’t want to have to worry about whether or not he was good enough. He felt angry. At Mafuyu and at himself. He was so tired of being in the back of Mafuyu’s mind when he was constantly at the front of his. He didn’t want to be another wound that reminded him of his past anymore. Love wasn’t fair. Love was cruel. And Uenoyama was exhausted.

With a sudden burst of collected energy, Uenoyama finally looked down and removed his earphones.

Bright eyes met his.

 _Oh_.

Love wasn’t fair.

Love was cruel.

Uenoyama knew this; and yet, he didn’t care.

All he cared about was keeping Mafuyu happy. All he cared about was seeing a smile on his face. It didn’t matter if his lover didn’t think about him. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t really in love. What mattered was that he stayed by his side.

He needed him. More than music, more than anything. If Mafuyu could pretend to need him back, that would be okay.

“Uenoyama-kun… are you okay?”

No, he wasn’t. But that didn’t matter to him. He didn’t want to care about anything other than Mafuyu and the way his chest felt light whenever their eyes met. His heart was bruised, but love was the best pain he’d ever experienced.

“Mafuyu?”

“Yes?”

It didn’t matter if his heart ached. He could hurt him over and over again if he wanted to. No matter how badly Uenoyama bled, Mafuyu could always seal his wounds with a single glance. So, he’ll stay. He won’t beg or pray anymore. As long as he was the one that Mafuyu came back to at the end of the day, he was happy.

“Can I walk you home?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the first fic i’ve ever posted n i’m kinda nervous but!! I hope you guys enjoy this! i really enjoyed writing it. It’s obviously not based on anything that happened in the manga or anything like that, just a little thing i made to make myself even sadder haha
> 
> I’m gonna be posting more fics soon! I’m currently working in a kuroken (haikyuu) fic so stick around if you’re interested hehe. If you have any constructive feedback, please feel free to comment! I really want to improve my writing. Thank you for reading!


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